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The 6 phases of relationships

RelationshipBlogImage2Part of  The 4 stages of leadership – see my link

This blog is about the 6 phases of relationships and follows under Personal Reflection in my 4 stages of leadership model.

Phase 1 – Relationship with me! – Realization.

  • What kind of relationship do I want to have with myself?
  • Do I like who I am?
  • Am I positive or negative in what I see or do?
  • Do I even like ME and is this who I always want to be?
  • Am I stuck in my own emotions and do I want to change?
  • Do I know what I want from myself?
  • Is the present person I am harming others?

Develop the vision of who you want to be.

Phase 2 – Relationships with my community – my Mask.

  • Do people feel positively or negatively towards me?
  • What do they see in my actions and behaviors?
  • Does a different part of me come out when I am in my community of family, friends, coworkers and community?
  • Do I even let them into my world or do I keep them out?
  • Do they believe or trust me?
  • Do I even trust myself?
  • Do they want to be with me? – Do I want to be with me?
  • Start to seek out others to define existing and future reality of who I need and want to be. Indeed is there a positive future if I do not seek help from others?

Develop oneness – get rid of different masks– look for support.

Phase 3 – Attraction – develop the person you like and need to become.

  • Give yourself permission that it’s possible to be different.
  • Release the chains that hold you in the past and move to the community that will help you move to your vision.
  • Find the communities you need to be part off and seek help and develop new relationships that are trusting and supportive.
  • Develop faith over fear for the change that is needed and yet to come.

Change is not the option the only option is whether you have the courage to choose it.

Phase 4 – Lets Hang out – Staying with your new community.

  • Continue to develop the “likeability” and goodness factor.
  • Hang out with people who engage and promote the person you have always wanted to become (and needed to become.)
  • Be with people who support and reinforce who you are becoming.
  • Start to behave not how others expect you but how you need to develop the new you.

Define your character based, not on what others expect you too, but in the knowledge that you are accountable for your own actions.

Phase 5 – Developing Awesomeness.

  • Continue to develop and sustain your character through higher levels of trusting relationships.
  • Remember that by becoming awesome you develop an ever-increasing community that sustains lifelong relationships.
  • Reestablish relationships with those love ones that were harmed
  • Know that by becoming awesome your actions will start to serve others and not yourself.

The first stage of servant leadership.

Phase 6 – SuperAwsome.

  • Become a champion of memorable relationships.
  • Share your experiences with others so that they can also be inspired.

The path to developing leadership in others.


‪ Picture courtesy of




Managing Employee Representation

peoplesvoiceReducing unnecessary deceptively attractive opposition to change 

 Some time ago I did a great deal of work on this subject with a colleague.

It is true though that the context never changes. So with that said here are some thoughts:

  1. Remember that some conflict is inevitable. Employee representatives are in the business to secure objectives, which are sometimes different from management.
  2. Consider that the priorities of many employees who are NOT managers are PRIMARILY to their families. The priorities of those who are managers are frequently their CAREERS.
  3. Don’t assume that every employee representative is an anarchist or internal terrorist.
  4. Remember that sometimes employees’ representatives simply “fire the bullets on behalf of someone else!”


  1. Be prepared to explain and consult fully not just the decisions but the rationale behind them.
  2. Ensure that YOU also TALK to the employees not just the employee representatives. NEVER forget they are your employees!
  3. Where the employee representative resists you talking to your employees RESIST they have no rights to this.
  4. INVEST time in your employees and explain how the business is going. They also have a stake in the success if for no other reason their paycheck.
  5. Remember that the business also affects the employee and their family whether in good times or bad.
  6. Communicate regularly with your employees. Even sending letters to the employees’ homes makes lots of sense. Remember families influence your employees sometimes more than you the employer.
  7. Ensure that you give the opportunity for employee representatives to talk to you on a regular basis not just when you want something from them.
  8. Make sure when you talk to them you give them the opportunity to discuss what is going on. It is a TWO WAY dialogue.
  9. Make sure you know the difference between:
    1. COMMUNICATING – informing
    2. CONSULTING – Asking
    3. NEGOTIATING – Bargaining

i.     And let them know which part of the process you and they are taking part!!

10. Let everyone know when the informing, asking and bargaining phases stop and then STOP

Original collaboration on this and thanks to Andy Sargent

Are you doing all the right things to keep your employees?

Keeping your (Productive) employees should be at the top of your daily list.

Productive, effective employees that are motivated; give better customer service, up your sales, are more involved and stay longer with the company!

(And if they don’t your, training and development just became an expense)

Here is my top ten list:

  1. Money does motivates and when it doesn’t it de-motivates!! It is as simple as that! Pay your employees their worth don’t take advantage of them.
  2. Constantly share information with them, don’t keep them in the dark!  The more they know the more valuable they will feel and understand what they are supposed to do.
  3. Clear job duties, accountabilities and goals are a must!  Your employees need to know who is doing what; clears up of a lot of misunderstandings and duplication.
  4.  Ask you employees for feedback, who knows better what is going on than your employees.
  5. Challenge your employees, give them ownership of projects, and let them soar!  They will feel more trusted and included. They will become loyal to you for giving them the opportunity.
  6.  Give your employees room for growth; job training opportunities, day conferences, projects, and REAL tasks.  This will show value, and growth.
  7. Encourage teamwork, group and inter department projects; give them a reason to work together.
  8. Manage from distance.  Having the boss looking over your shoulder is stressful.
  9. Coach your employees.  Instead of ordering them around, do this, do that, coach them to take responsibility.  Great leaders coach and they create a leadership environment.
  10. Fire the losers!  They will spread negativity like wild fire!  This very action will actually grow respect among your employees. Having someone around just collecting the paycheck is frustrating for your team.

Remember one of the most important qualities is to let others grow. It is not your right to hang on to everything, or that it must be done your way, or you have to give all the solutions.

Original idea from Sister Mae I and a conversation with HRMexplorer

Picture courtesy of Google images


Is your glass half full or half empty?

Positive people see the glass half full – why?

Because they appreciate what they have and what can be!

They see what they can do with it, they will make it last and make it better. They see more.

Negative people see the glass as half empty – because they see what is gone.  They see an empty space. They see the problems and not the solutions. They see less.

The positive person will think:  I can survive longer, because I will drink slowly, I will savor, and it will last longer. And I can always find more when this is gone. I believe in what can be.

The negative person will think:  I am going to die, there is nothing left. It is hopeless and I know better so I am right. I know more than others. I do not believe in what can be.

The “negatives” disrupt teams working together!  “Negatives” look not on how they can improve but why you suck at what you do.

*Positive people will see a cathedral                 *Negative people will see only bricks

*Positive people will say great Job!                   *Negative people will say, “Why didn’t you…”

*Positive people will be the life of the party    *Negative people will not get invited to the party

So how do we handle the “half empty personalities?” do we shut them out, or do we challenge them in conversation?  Do we ignore or do we need to let them go?

You see these are the folks who relish in having triangular conversations.

They are the ones that talk behind our backs. They are the ones with little courage and huge egos.

They are the ones that kill culture and bully their employees. They are the ones that drain your energy. They are the ones that yell and think they are worth more.

Working with half empty personalities isn’t easy; they will suck the life out of you.  The momentum of your team will increasingly be challenged.

Negative people want to stir you up, “Push your Buttons”!

Don’t let them, smile, leave the room, don’t get caught up with it.

Then simply decide: can they change or do you need to change them by hiring those that fit!

Smile and know that you are not superior or better but know that they are the ones that life does not shine upon and where relationships wither

Remind yourself that you are the creators of the future and the ones that others will follow to become their very own leaders.

Sister Mae I and HRMexplorer


Harvest Time in Michigan!

A time for helping each other and remembering who we really are and what life is all about. When different lives come together.

This holiday weekend, with the end of summer nearing, I observed families, friends, teens and children together in this time of uncertainty, and it was great to see them enjoying themselves.

We live our lives in different worlds and at this year’s Harvest Festival we were all in one place in a small rural community in Northern Michigan. A town that cares, one of many such towns all over America. God Bless America!

For a brief moment in time this community came together for the “Harvest Festival” we need more moments like this.  It rained a little but no one noticed, everyone determined to have fun!

We came together in one place to see the parade, play at the carnival, watch the games, remember our troops, see the vintage automobiles, laugh at the Clown and watch with delight children picking up candy thrown from the procession. The expression on those kids simply “Kodak moments”.

We shared our stories and our food, we witnessed families and friends come together and we were as one.  A community of people from different places together determined to have a good time rain or shine, poor or rich, the young and the old. Some who had not spoken for years coming together over old photographs that told stories of other times.

It was Harvest Festival and I saw the children of the unemployed and the employed, blissfully playing with friends having a good time, without a care. Ah, we can all remember those days in our own lives!

I didn’t see a laptop computer, I heard only a few inevitable cell phones ring, alas a sign of the times, and there were no video games in sight.

Only dirty faces and hands, smiley faces and kids happy, playing games with bat and ball and getting dirtier by the moment playing in the sand.

Knowing tomorrow each of us go back to uncertain futures, uncertain times, children teach us that the really good times are made from friendships and not moneyships.

Children teach us that happiness comes from the friends we make, the toys we share and who we are and not what we have or who we know.  “Clothes do not maketh the man” that’s for sure. I saw much fortitude and passion and desire and hope.

It had been a great Harvest Festival this year… it didn’t matter that it rained we were with friends and it felt good.




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