Many conversations start with a question!
How are you? How have you been? What have you been up to? And so on.
How did you feel when you were asked the questions? Did you feel like Oh Jeeze no!
We have all been there particularly when things have not been going so well. We have all had those moments…some moments lasting longer than others..
How do those moments change us? Have we become more than one person?
Different with different people…
I come across many people who tell me they are different people when they are at home than when they are at work.
Its not surprising to hear this I hear you say. Many of us show up differently given different circumstances.
The problem is who are we really?
The Questions of Faith and Fear
How do we show up each day?
What do we want to show and importantly what do we want to hide?
What do we want people to think of us?
What are we afraid of if we really show who we are?
Scorecards are life cards!
The thing is from the moment we were born we had a scorecard…how heavy, how long. What color eyes…… and so on.
It continued through infancy through to schools and sports, what were we good at what did we suck at!!
Remember first impressions and lasting impressions?
Life is a scorecard and yet when we get to work we are often different, we give lesser of ourselves and to our co-workers in many cases much less and yet…..
Work and Life
Productivity -Be the best you can be
Attendance -Be punctual when meeting friends
Quality -Be present and attentive
Safety -Do no harm to others – build relationships
Discipline -Fairness and honesty – Always
You see the thing is that each defines you and they cannot be separated:
Are all ONE and the only thing you have to decide is whether faith of fear separates the REAL you from showing up.
HRMexplorer November 1st 2014
Picture courtesy of
Our town like many towns in America has a regular food truck coming to feed those that are less fortunate.
When it first started many people came shoving and barging each other, they wanted “their food”.
Often many came 8 hours early leaving their baskets at 6.00am and returning at 2.00pm when the truck doors opened.
Those early days were traumatic with folks yelling and shouting and fighting where people who came and stayed moved the baskets of other people down the line, of those who came put their baskets down and left.
Folks came and wanted food for “others” in the family. Leaving a line of potential folks with little as we counted them in.
Human selfishness was rank. Many do not have basic human relationship skills. All they have ever known is “take care of me…none else will”.
After a while and with “coaching” that the volunteers who show up every time don’t need to be dealing with this behavior an amazing thing happened.
They realized they were all the same; they came for food and the “line of waiting” created a line of very hungry people. Some waiting for many hours. They needed to act as one and appreciate what others did for them.
Miracles happen everywhere.
Today you will see people bringing what little food they have to pass around. Grills are lighted and folks help each other take the food to what vehicles some have. They bring warm clothes for those who have little to wear.
Today the community of giving and receiving are slowly becoming one.
A time when many of us will have fond memories and for some not so fond.
Life will always throw as soft curves and sometimes not so soft.
It is often the ones we love that give us the highest of highs and lowest of lows.
In my deliberations each day I come across people who ask more questions then there answers.
Many are afraid of what they will hear but human nature takes us there all too often anyway.
We are curious creatures, us humans, it makes us reach the highest of achievements and takes us to places where there is deep consternation and pain.
Life as we know it is will always surprise us. That is what makes it so exciting and unpredictable.
If we all knew each day what the rest of our life would bring how would that define who we are?
Courage and character comes from meeting the challenges of the unknown and the challenges we never wanted.
Too many of our friends leave us each day whether it is through natural death, injury, or disease.
Sometimes we just need to believe in faith and simply accept and cherish what we have and make the best of things. It is only then that we will overcome the worst of things.
Picture courtesy of Cherish Life Quotes As Diary.com | As Diary.
Part of The 4 stages of leadership – see my link http://wp.me/pTp83-lN
This blog is about the 6 phases of relationships and follows under Personal Reflection in my 4 stages of leadership model.
Phase 1 – Relationship with me! – Realization.
- What kind of relationship do I want to have with myself?
- Do I like who I am?
- Am I positive or negative in what I see or do?
- Do I even like ME and is this who I always want to be?
- Am I stuck in my own emotions and do I want to change?
- Do I know what I want from myself?
- Is the present person I am harming others?
Develop the vision of who you want to be.
Phase 2 – Relationships with my community – my Mask.
- Do people feel positively or negatively towards me?
- What do they see in my actions and behaviors?
- Does a different part of me come out when I am in my community of family, friends, coworkers and community?
- Do I even let them into my world or do I keep them out?
- Do they believe or trust me?
- Do I even trust myself?
- Do they want to be with me? – Do I want to be with me?
- Start to seek out others to define existing and future reality of who I need and want to be. Indeed is there a positive future if I do not seek help from others?
Develop oneness – get rid of different masks- look for support.
Phase 3 – Attraction – develop the person you like and need to become.
- Give yourself permission that it’s possible to be different.
- Release the chains that hold you in the past and move to the community that will help you move to your vision.
- Find the communities you need to be part off and seek help and develop new relationships that are trusting and supportive.
- Develop faith over fear for the change that is needed and yet to come.
Change is not the option the only option is whether you have the courage to choose it.
Phase 4 – Lets Hang out – Staying with your new community.
- Continue to develop the “likeability” and goodness factor.
- Hang out with people who engage and promote the person you have always wanted to become (and needed to become.)
- Be with people who support and reinforce who you are becoming.
- Start to behave not how others expect you but how you need to develop the new you.
Define your character based, not on what others expect you too, but in the knowledge that you are accountable for your own actions.
Phase 5 – Developing Awesomeness.
- Continue to develop and sustain your character through higher levels of trusting relationships.
- Remember that by becoming awesome you develop an ever-increasing community that sustains lifelong relationships.
- Reestablish relationships with those love ones that were harmed
- Know that by becoming awesome your actions will start to serve others and not yourself.
The first stage of servant leadership.
Phase 6 – SuperAwsome.
- Become a champion of memorable relationships.
- Share your experiences with others so that they can also be inspired.
The path to developing leadership in others.
- Texting; since when is “texting in” sick permitted and acceptable? Hearing “I texted you I was going to be late”, as I am waiting to get in the front door of the office.
- Leaving early, coming in late, taking long lunches
- Hair appointments, massages, nails, etc.
- Kids schedules, taking the pets to the vet, have parent teacher conference, etc.
- Doctor appointment, dentist, eyes, etc.
- I am traveling this weekend, so I am leaving early on Friday
The list goes on, this is not normal. And not acceptable!
Maybe I am jealous, that I can’t bring myself to “text” in sick, or maybe it is because I have to cover their time away, or maybe I was raised not to take advantage.
Maybe I was given a conscience and a work ethic!
I have two children in their 20’s now, I worked their years in school, and I never called in, never came in late, never scheduled an appointment during work hours. Schools know that parents’ work, hair, nails, and massages came after work, and we did not text in sick.
Just imagine; working in a factory, 7am to 3pm shift and walking up to your supervisor “I have a hair appointment at 1pm today, could you get someone to run my press”. Right, that is not going to happen ever, anywhere.
I am not sure why we have office hours, it really doesn’t matter, and who abides by them?
Thoughts of Sister Mae I